The word, “church,” is a very common word used by the Apostle Paul, but in the four gospels, the word, “church,” occurs in two places.  Here in the Scripture passage for today from Matthew 18, and from a few weeks ago, in Mathew 16.

The Greek word for church is “ecclesia” which means church or fellowship.

The passage for today says that “wherever two or three are gathered in my name, there am I in the midst of them.” The church is a community of loving people. The church is a community of people who love you, know your name, and are concerned about you. Is it not important for you that as a member of a church, that people know your name? Is not that your right? That they know what you struggle with? Isn’t that at the heart of a church? Where you are known and loved as a friend?

We recently had a seventh grade retreat. Those kids were wonderful. You can have a great youth program and have great singing and great energy around the campfire, but every one of those kids wants to be wanted. And the kids, in spite of the fancy camp and in spite of the fancy singing, and in spite of a fancy youth director, if a kid feels that he or she is not wanted and loved by their friends, those kids will not want to be part of it.

The same is true of us as adults. We want to be wanted. We want to be loved. We want people to treat us as friends. The church is a fellowship. The church is a community. The church is family.

Years ago, I read a piece of research that I found to be fundamentally true: I call it Friendship 1:7. If a new person at church has seven new friends within a year, one hundred percent of those people stay.  If a new person has four or fewer friends, ninety-two percent drop out of the church. I know this is true from my personal experience. I know that people join the church because they like the vitality of the worship service or the vitality of the music or they like the vitality of the youth program or the vitality of the preaching, but such people will not stay unless they make friends. Koinonia. Fellowship. Family. Closeness. Connectedness.

Two years ago, some of us went to a church conference. It was called the “Meta-Church” conference. We were the only Lutheran church present at that conference; most congregations were from the Missionary Alliance denomination. We were also the smallest church in that group of attending churches. The word, meta, means “change” in the Greek language. The point of this conference was that the fundamental change that is needed in all congregations is that small groups are to be at the heart of the church; through which people make friends in the life of the church. We came back from that conference with a refrain ringing in our ears, “As the church grows larger, it must grow smaller.” Every church present at that conference was committed to the principle that small groups would be the nucleus of the congregation. The most important tasks of a congregation was to get people into small groups.

I need to ask you a personal question: are you making new friends here at Church? Or are you one of those old time members who are content with your old friends? You have your old friends and that is enough. You feel inside, “I have old friends of five, ten, fifteen, twenty, twenty-five years and I don’t need to expand my friendship circle. I have enough personal relationships.” If that is your perception, you have lost the vision of the church. For the very heart of the church is to welcome strangers into your friendship patterns. Where you get to know these new people; when you get to know their names, know their history, know their daily concerns. And one of the best ways to do this is to be part of a small group, a family group.

Jesus said, “Where ever two or three are gathered in my name, there am I in the midst of them.”  There is no greater power within a congregation than that of a small group of Christians, caring for and loving each other, and lifting up each other in prayer and support.

By Rev. Edward Markquart